Cry to Jesus

I am listening to KLOVE on the radio right now and "Cry to Jesus" just came on.  I have always loved that song.  It talks about God wanting to have a realtionship with Him. Cry to Him in times of despair, dance with Him in times of rejoicing and fly to Him with all you are.  Right now I am crying to Him.  I am so greatly frustrated.  I am back to where I first was right after my stroke.  I cannot see at night. My eyes are not focusing well at all and the dizziness is back.  It is frustrating because I feel it is a battle I fight on my own.  No one sees my pain because it is only for me to see.  Most people assume I am just fine because there don't appear to be any obvious outward deformities.  When I can't see, I  just keep walking.  When I am dizzy,I just keep walking.  I am exhausted of masking the issues.  I am mentally, physically and emotionally broken.  I am clinging to Him.  I know He will heal me and that His right now is most certainly not my right now, but I am human and am experiencing frustration.

When I think about how much balance and vision, encompass life it is overwhelming.  We all want balance in our lives. I feel like I am so out of whack. I spent 10 days fasting and focusing and God spoke to me in so many ways and I do not doubt Him and His plan for my life but sometimes I just wish that my right now was His right now, just saying. I don't think that makes me unfaithful.  I think for a true relationship with Him we should be honest with Him.  How much time do I spend trying to pretend to God and act like I am just fine when I am actually frustrated.  It seems really silly to pretend.  He already knows, and speaking it to Him is truly healing.  So that is what I am doing.  Asking God to make my right now, His right now but willing to wait if it is not.