Respite

Does your life ever seem like it is barreling out of control? Mine was about to take off down Niagara Falls. You name it and I had lost control of it. I don't consider myself a control freak but am trying to come to terms with the fact that I truly am. First step is admission, right? With having had the stroke and being a pastor's wife, I was seeing that I had no control. I had no control over what people were saying about us (because the things circulating were not true so how do I fix that) and since no one would talk to us about things that were going around it makes it hard to straighten things out. (No one still has, grrr). It amazes me that people would rather spread gossip than get to the truth. I have my moments of weakness but have been really trying to be cognizant of it and ask for forgiveness and apologize when I vomit out information. I started using the word vomit for when I start talking about others because that is how I feel. I have been trying so hard to keep my thoughts pure but at times when it boils up, I vomit...all I know. I ask forgiveness from God and my friends. It is so hard, as the pastor's wife you have so much going on in and around your life and you can't tell anyone when things are upside down or it is weakness. Other people can just complain and it is ok, but not us. Everything has to be rosy all the time.

I digress. So, my good friend, Fallon, knew I was in desperate need of a respite. She called and said, "Hey, our church is having a women's retreat and you need to come." I said, "Alright, I am there!!". It was a great break. We had some hilarious adventures. Fallon wanted it to be a restful weekend and it truly was but here is some of what went on...

I borrowed a friends GPS because we discovered that ours was broken. I have trouble with my vision, so I knew that I could not read directions and drive so I needed a GPS. I start out and am having a great time with God. I was rocking out to His word and His world around me. And then I had to potty. I get back in the car and the GPS says, "We have found a way that is 5 min faster". I think, anything that gets me there with less night time driving is better. So I take it. I start heading down this road and after 30 miles, I head down a smaller highway. Now I am hearing my husband in my ear saying, "Always take the main highways, GPS can get you in trouble". I was thinking that most time, the fastest routes are usually main highways because you can go faster. But I end up on FM 962...at 6:10pm and I am swerving around this road and there are deer everywhere...and I can't see anything but the yellow stripe and there are no other cars. It says I have 42 miles to go...no biggie, that is Abilene to Sweetwater. I call Phillip and tell him that I am scared and to pray for me. Then it gets worse. I see a sign that says, "No 18-wheelers and bus turn around ahead". I have never seen a sign like that, but it doesn't sound good and it was not. I was making crazy 180 degree turns up and down a mountain and through river beds. This is nuts and I CAN'T SEE! So finally I just asked God to see for me. And I go there.

Fallon had sent me a text earlier that said, "Go potty if you need to. We are having major plumping issues". I get there and they do not have water. We have to trek over to the church and go potty...and its cold. But hilarious. She then says, "Oh, and I am going to this class at 8:45 in the morning and I thought I would just let you sleep but the plumbers are going to be here at 9 and I am actually going to Zumba at the YMCA and they have showers so you are probably going to need to get up and go so you can shower". So, I just tell her I have always wanted to try but have been scared that I wouldn't be able to follow with my vision issues but I would give it a try. I did fair. I couldn't do it all but I was sweating. Shower was nice too.

Later we went to the retreat and were definitely blessed. I went a different route home and was much refreshed. God always finds a way to keep me laughing.

On the way home, I spent a lot of time with God, talking and listening. I sang to Him and it feels so good to thank Him and truly worship Him. Over the past month or so, God has been blessing me and Phillip with these mini rainbows. I have never in my life seen them before until Dec.3 which is when things first started to get really rocky. I was driving and I saw this rainbow in the clouds. It had not been raining and it was just a rectangle of rainbow in the sky. I tried to take a pic because I had never seen anything like it in my life. I told Phillip about it and he said he saw it too and we were 20 miles apart. On our way home we had been talking abut being faithful to God's call and we saw 3 shooting stars. We thanked God for His wonder and for seeing us.

When we traveled to Dallas on Monday, we saw it again and we knew the next day was going to be tough. On Sunday I saw it again as I was praising God and telling Him that I would follow His will for my life. Not necessarily in distance but in obedience and I would not become complacent the way I have seen those ahead of me do. And the rainbow appeared in this HUGE cloud. I sang out to him for about 15 minutes and the cloud followed me and then it was all just gone. Not even in the horizon. It was amazing. Thank you God. You are always faithful and never step from my side.

Really Seeing

I thought it was an appropriate title since my main side effect from my stroke is my vision. I can't really "see" anything in grayscale. It takes me more than just a few minutes to adjust to actaully see those images. Where most people don't even realize their eyes need to adjust. I can't walk and look for something. I have to stop and look and let myself adjust and that is all the time and not just grayscale. Makes for driving fun. I am going out of town next week. Should be fun. The last 6 monthes of our lives have been some of the most trying times in our lives. In all actuality our time her in Sweetwater so far has been very trying spiritually and emotionally. Becca had some problems in utero and then after and then my stroke and church has been difficult in a whole new sense of trying to serve more and inspire others to serve to. It is quite different from any other church we have been in in that people are truly wanting to serve. I have always been a firm believer in the seeing God work on this earth and also of seeing the cunning powers of the devil. I know that when you are right with God and following Him and people are seeing God's face more that this is troubling to Satin and He knows what buttons to push. So, now I am taking it as a compliment that so much has happened in the last 2 years because it is reassuring that we are doing God's work here. We are seeing His presence in the lives that we are working with. I have always been frustrasted with people who think that once you become a Christian you will always be happy and no bad will ever come to you. Jesus told us it would happen, " He said, "In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world". So we are taking heart in the knowledge that no matter how bad things are right now that God IS in control of our lives right now and we choose to follow Him in all that He asks of us. There is a song out called "Let the Waters Rise" and it has completely moved me. I will mess up the lyrics but here is some of it....There's a raging sea, right in front of me. You were with me then, you'll be with me again. You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea and I will follow you. AMAZING and Wonderfully